Being Thankful

Being Thankful

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I was thinking about what I am thankful for in my life. I went through a tough time during the ages of 13-14. I had always known I was adopted, but at this time it really weighed upon me. I suspected that most of my family didn't love me. That, in fact, I was merely an obligation. I thought even my father, who I was really close to, might not really love me. And probably not my mother or my aunts, uncles and cousins.

I was a lonely child. With little friends or family around at the weekend, I would be lost in my thoughts. And I think too much introspection wasn't a good thing in my case. I figured that since my biological parents did not want to raise me it meant that they did not love me. They kept their first seven children, how could another child make so much difference? And since they gave me away as an infant, there must be something unlovable about me. Something they saw in my eyes, or knew to be an inherent characteristic. And if the two people who made me could not love me, how could anyone else? What could I do to make myself lovable? Why even bother?

So I would keep people at arm's length. I used sarcasm. I put on a mask of cheeriness. I knew I would never have one of those 'great loves' or the house and kids. I would just get along in life, achieve my career goals. And maybe when I reached my 40s I would meet someone I could settle for, because I didn't really deserve anything more. 

But somehow, somehow, I met the love of my life when I was only 24. And with him, I finally felt completely and truly loved. I knew I wanted to have a child, to make a human being. Someone who would be part of me, who I would be part of. And my daughter and son have added another depth of acceptance and love into my life. And for that, I am beyond thankful. 

 

mumturnedmom

7 thoughts on “Being Thankful

  1. For someone that wasn't adopted, a fascinating read. Wonderful to read something so candid that ultimately has a happy ending. I guess I should also wish you a belated happy thanksgiving. #ThePrompt

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  2. It sounds like you had an awful lot to cope with growing up - teenage years are complicated enough emotionally without this to deal with. I'm very glad your story had a happy ending though 🙂 x

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  3. Tough teenage years can have a huge impact on your life. I know from experience. I wasn't adopted but my parents divorced when I was 14. It affected me immensely and, like you, I didn't think I'd be married or have kids. Although for me it was a choice. As it turns out I met the love of my life when I was 21 and we've been together for 12 years, are married and have two wonderful boys. It's amazing what finding the right person can do to your life. And definitely something to be thankful for. I love this post. 🙂 #ThePrompt

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    1. Post author

      I'm glad you found your happiness too. I woulnd't be a teenager again for a million pounds. Too many emotions and experiences, and the lack of control. But it is good to be on the other side and can enjoy our happy lives now. 🙂

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  4. Sorry to hear that you had a tough time of it. I was told lots of lies throughout my childhood and grew up feeling unloved by my 'dad' who I later found out wasn't, so can relate to what you've said here. I'm really pleased that you found your soulmate in your hubby and are so happy now xx #ThePrompt

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  5. I'm so sorry Elfa, I was sure I'd commented on this! I seem to have read several posts where I've only commented in my head this week!
    I think the teenage years are pretty rubbish personally, and when you add in something extra to deal with (my parents separated when I was ten which had an impact for a long time) then they can be really tough. I wouldn't go back for any money! It took me a bit longer to find my soul mate, but everything that went before made me who I am. I'm so glad that you got your happy ending x Thank you very much for linking to #ThePrompt x

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