Americans abroad

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A New Day in AmericaThis has been an emotional election season for my fellow Americans. As an expat living in the UK, I have taken a keen interest in the election. Then again, the entire world has been watching, waiting, wondering who the United States of America will choose for its 45th president.

Besides the mud-slinging, there was unprecedented craziness and shocking tales of sexual assault and harassment. On one hand, we had a woman that no one is entirely sure they can trust. But she is clever, educated and experienced. On the other hand, we had a man-child. No one is really sure if he's actually clever and just pretending to be stupid. But he comes from money and runs a business. He also, apparently, enjoys grabbing p*ssies. *shudder*

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Due to the enormous success of my post Oh The British, I felt compelled to write a follow-up post. And by enormous success, I mean that all of my six regular readers found the post semi-entertaining. So to you devoted readers, I dedicate this post.

One major advantage of moving to the UK from the USA is that you don't have to learn a new language. Or so you would think. Though English is spoken in both countries, British and American English can be quite different. So for anyone new to the UK or planning a visit, here is a helpful (but far from comprehensive) guide. This would also be helpful to a Brit visiting the USA.

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American and British English

American English: Hello! Hi!

British English: Hiya! Helloooo!

 

AE: Wassup? What's the haps?

BE: All right? How are you?

 

AE: When will it stop raining?

BE: What a lovely day, it has only rained for three hours.

 

AE: Where is a McDonald's?

BE: Look at all those Americans going to the MaccyDs (pronounced MackyDees).

 

AE: I'm amazed at all the sexy men hanging out in the Fish & Chips restaurant.

BE: I'm gobsmacked at all the fit blokes in the chippy.

 

AE: I'm going to bed now. I'm drunk after drinking those beers at the old bar.

BE: I'm off to Bedfordshire. I'm pissed after downing those pints at the pub.

 

AE: Goodbye. Peace out.

BE: Ta. Ta ta. Tara. Cheerio.

 

Here are some of my favourite British words/phrases:

Easy peasy Lemon squeezy = Easy
Ace = great
Chin wag = chat
Taking the piss = making fun of someone/something
Wonky = crooked or unbalanced (as in a wonky haircut)
Kip = nap
Well = very (used as an adverb). Ex: That bloke is well dodgy = That man is very sketchy (not to be trusted)
Wanker = someone who jacks himself off, and is therefore a bit of an a**hole.
To have a butchers = to have a look
Gutted = bummed or upset
Knackered/Cream Crackered = tired, but I think knackered is more adult
Mates = friends/homies

 

 

Here are some commonly used terms that are handy to know:

Loo/Toilet = restroom/bathroom
Brolly = Umbrella
Quid = £ (pound = currency)
Rubbish = garbage/trash
Fringe = bangs
Pants/knickers = underpants/underwear
Trousers = pants
Arse/Bum/Bottom = butt
Fanny = vagina
Lift = elevator
Pavement = sidewalk
Ta/Cheers = thank you

 

I hope this helps! Cheerio homies!

 

Seychelles Mama
 
Photo credit: phasinphoto, FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Since I began blogging six months ago, my UK readership has been double that of my American readership. But in the last month my American readership has greatly increased. I'm not sure why. But it IS exciting. So I thought I would write a post geared towards my American readers (*waves excitedly*) to give some insight into British people. As for my British readers, sit back and enjoy the generalisations and sterotypes. Let me know if there are any with which you strongly agree or disagree. 

Obviously British people love tea, scones, chocolate and biscuits. But what else do you know about them?

1. British people love pork sausages. I mean, they LOVE them. For breakfast, lunch, dinner, BBQs. My kids prefer chipolatas, which are just thinner sausages. My Husband and kids eat a ridiculous amount of sausages per week. And if I forget to buy them one week, I get HELL. 

 

2. British people enjoy drinking in pubs (bars from the olden days). They go after work or on the weekends. Sometimes they go during their lunch breaks. At my first job in London, almost 12 years ago, my colleagues would go to the pub from 1pm-2pm every Friday afternoon. What?! I still don't get that, and I LOVE drinking. 3. British people love gin. And beer. And gin some more. When I lived in California, I always had tequila or vodka in my drinks shelf. Nowadays, it's gin. And Pimm's (a liquor you mix with lemonade and assorted pieces of fruit and cucumber). By the way, British lemonade is like Sprite and not what an American would consider to be lemonade. To clarify, Pimm's is so delicious and I don't know why we don't have it in The States. I could drink vats of it. On warm summer days, I will happily stand on a street corner outside a pub, inhaling bus fumes, drinking pitchers and pitchers of Pimms.

 

4. British people lose their minds on sunny days. There is so much cloud and rain, so when the sun comes out British people go crazy. People are wearing t-shirts and flipflops trying to absorb as much Vitamin D as possible. And when they go to pubs, everyone stands outside the pub soaking in the sun. It doesn't matter if it's a bit cold, you see everyone eating ice cream cones and all the paddlings pools are inflated. 

 

5. British people always seem to be standing in a queue (that's a line). They love waiting in line. You should see them on the street, waiting for a bus. It's crazy. I sometimes cut lines/queues, to my British Husband's horror. heehee

6. British people like the rain. They pretend they don't. But they're always going on about how the grass needs it. And they're obsessed with discussing the weather. And even if it's raining or hailing, Husband will drag me and the kids out to the zoo or some outdoor activity. I don't like to leave the house when it rains. My daughter is lucky that I still take her to school and pick up her when it is raining.

 

7. British people use funny words. They say 'ta' for thank you, 'cheerio' for goodbye, they call the bathroom the 'loo' and they call your butt 'bum'. And they say 'cheers' constantly. I reckon it's because it reminds them of drinking gin.

8. British people are polite. This is related to number five. They act nicely and courteously. Even when they're annoyed with you. Some people say that the British are cold but they just aren't immediately friendly. They're actually pretty nice. Not all of them obviously. Some British people are wankers (that's the American equivalent to a tool). But try finding me a country that doesn't have some wankers. 

9. British people like to curse. Sometimes in anger, sometimes for fun. Friends will call each other 'wanker', or tell each other to 'F**k off'. Husband's friends call each other the C word. You know what I'm talking about. I'm American and we don't say that word.

10. British people have dry, sarcastic humour. I like this. I'm sarcastic. British people get me. They don't at first, because they don't expect an American to be sarcastic. But then they get me.

Please note for the purposes of this blog post, people and characteristics have been oversimplified for the sake of your amusement.