What colour are YOUR partner’s underpants?

I was reading Not Knowing The Colour of Your Wife’s Underwear Could Get You Deported today in the Huffington Post. Apparently, quite a few immigrants are being detained due to them possibly marrying for convenience (i.e. a passport). Some of the people getting caught out don’t seem to know their wife’s bra size, or the colour of her underpants or her National Insurance number. Wait, what? Are those the important things that tell you if someone has truly married for love?

What colour are YOUR partner's underpants?

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Truth Vs Modesty

Truth is more important than modesty. Roald Dahl.

This quote is this week’s Prompt over at Mum Turned Mom. Truth is more than the words we speak. Truth is also our actions. Everyone remembers those early days of the relationship. We would never burp or fart in front of our significant other. And if we needed the loo, I mean really needed it, we would go at our own flat or early in the morning when ‘he’ was still asleep. 

Then comes the day you go on a foreign holiday. Our first holiday was in Croatia. It must have been a dodgy octopus salad. I made ‘him’ stay on our little balcony when I used the loo. That’s the holiday that taught me to ALWAYS pack Immodium.

But then you move in together or get married. And there is no more hiding your modesty. You are naked, literally and figuratively, for the other person to see. You eventually burp, and fart, and announce that you need a poo. But it’s okay. It’s actually okay. Because you are in love, and you are building a life. And then you have a baby, and the second-to-last shreds of modesty are gone. Can you say perineal massage? I shudder just thinking about it.

I have so little modesty these days. But I am hanging on to a couple of things. I still keep my facial plucking regime to closed doors (damn you, pesky old lady chin).  And I go to the loo with the door closed. For now. But it’s only a matter of time before all modesty has gone.

Oh honey, I don’t know what that smell is. Teehee


That Was Unexpected – The Prompt

This week’s theme for The Prompt is ‘that was unexpected’. I thought the news of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s split was quite unexpected. I won’t use the term ‘divorce’ as I don’t want to infuriate Gwyneth. It is not that I was so involved with their marriage that I felt shocked when they broke up. But I find it surprising when any relationship or marriage ends.

The surprise is how some relationships are able to last a lifetime and that some relationships cease after a random number of years. What is the secret of a long-lasting union? I may have written sarky things about my Husband in the past, on my blog, on Twitter, on Facebook, on text messages, on emails. But I am actually quite madly in love with him. Like more than the day I married him. *stops typing to barf in mouth*

But what happens to turn ‘true love’ to ‘indifferent’ or ‘just can’t work it out’? With all the advances in science, can no one give me a formula for lasting love? And not just a lasting relationship or friendship. Husband and I have been together for almost 13 years (married for almost 10), and in 20 years’ time I still want to feel hot when we kiss. We try to have dates, but they are not as frequent as they used to be. So what do we do? Because I do not want to be surprised with the end of my marriage.


How to Survive the Weekend without Killing your Partner

I think the title gives you a hint as to where I’m going with this. Every Thursday I get so excited as the weekend approaches. Yes, the weekend means fun family time. But it also means two extra hands which help with meals, baths and nappies. Then every Sunday night, as I lay shattered in bed, I remember how ineffective Husband actually is. 
So, here are my top three tips to help you survive the weekend if your partner is as useless little help as mine.
1. Be patient. If your partner works full-time, he/she may not be able to remember all the intricacies of raising a child. It can be tough to remember that children need regular meals, snacks and water. And that healthy children eat fruit AND vegetables.
2. Show compassion. Your partner has had five days peeing in private and eating and drinking whenever they feel hungry and thirsty. They have had five days where they have been mostly treated with respect. Imagine the shock of the weekend. Your partner goes to the loo only for your toddler to barge in and ask to be read a book. Your partner asks your child to tidy up and the child responds by yelling, kicking them in the leg and telling them that they are stinky.
3. Don’t get angry. Yes, your partner has made the kids dinner so you can rest. But when you go into the kitchen, you see that he/she has made a huge mess of pots and pans, yet no vegetables have been made. Stay calm. And when you have to pack nappies, snacks and other necessities for a day outing, plus have to get the kids and yourself ready while your partner quips ‘Are you ready yet?’. Take a deep breath. And when your partner forgets said bag and wallet at home, and leaves the house unlocked. Count to 10 and don’t shout. Because shouting leads to strangling and strangling leads to killing. And we are too cute to go to prison.