My son, Dubz, is 2 1/2 years old. He’s at this super funny, super cute, super crazy phase. Life with him is never boring. And it’s certainly never quiet. In fact, life with a toddler must be what life is like with a rock star.
1. Rock stars are always jamming. Toddlers love jam. Jam sandwiches. Jam on toast. Jam straight out of the jar, if you accidentally leave the jar of jam on the dining table, which leads to jam on their fingers, clothes, hair, the furniture and the walls. This also goes for Nutella and Marmite.
2. Rock stars keep unsociable hours. Toddlers never want to sleep either. Instead of partying at night, they want cuddles or sneaky episodes of Peppa Pig. And when you have important things to do during the day, now that’s when they want to sleep.
3. Rock stars have groupies who follow them around and take care of their every need. Toddlers have groupies, called mums, who follows them around, wiping their noses and bums, making sure they are in constant supply of food and cuddles.
4. Rock stars act crazy and destroy hotel rooms. Toddlers are crazy and destroy hotel rooms, rooms in their homes and basically any room that they’re in for longer than two minutes.
5. Rock stars like loud music. Toddlers like loud music too. They also think loud noise passes for music. The louder the better. Whether it’s banging their toy guitar against your vintage nest of tables, or shaking their maracas in your face.
6. Rock stars have trouble controlling their bodily fluids. With the copious amounts of alcohol and/or drugs consumed, that’s no surprise. Toddlers have little control over their bodily fluids. Whether they are vomitting on your new sofa, or weeing in your face (I have not included photos for this item, you are welcome).
7. Rock stars have a flair for fashion. Toddlers love to combine the most interesting pieces of clothing and accessories to make the ‘perfect outfit’, even if that means wearing sunglasses in the pitch black.
8. Rock stars can act like big babies, putting on diva tantrums if they don’t get what they want. Toddlers are basically big babies. And if you’re in the thick of the terrible twos, then tantrums can be a daily occurrence. Whether you’ve buttered their toast incorrectly, or given them the ‘wrong’ cup, they will be vocal about your failings.
So, do any of these items sound familiar? Do you have your very own rock star at home?