Wanting a Daughter


Have you read the Telegraph article Why Every Woman Secretly Craves a Daughter? Apparently 80% of the Britons who go to the United States for IVF are asking for daughters. I have to hold my hand up and admit that before having children I did want a daughter. Want is probably too mild a term to describe how I felt. I was determined. Not desperate but determined, as if I had a choice in the matter. I decided that I would be having a daughter, and that was that. And by sheer coincidence, my first child was a girl.

But I was not looking for someone to take care of me in my old age. I was not worried about which gender was kinder or less ‘work’. Growing up as an adopted child, although I had a strong bond with my adopted father, I was not particularly close to my adopted mother. Though she loved me, I do not think she had a maternal feeling towards me. That coupled with the insecurities from being adopted, I have always craved a strong mother-daughter relationship. And I knew that having a daughter would heal me in a way that nothing else could.


And heal me, she did. From the moment Husband put Moozles in my arms, my broken heart was mended. With Moozles, I can be the mother I always wanted. I can give her the attention and love I always craved. But I cannot say that having a son first would not have done the same. Having two children now, one of each gender, I can see that there is no difference in how close I feel to each of my children. Dubz is only two, so we are not able to communicate in the same way as Moozles and me. She and I have special mother-daughter time where we go to the ballet or go to a restaurant. But one day, Dubz and I will have that kind of relationship.

Yes, Moozles was an ‘easier’ baby and toddler. Dubz, on the other hand, is a non-stop eating-all-the-food, house-destroying little boy. But I adore them equally. Our children are our children. And we love them, no matter how easy it is to take care of them and no matter if they will take care of us when we’re old.


8 thoughts on “Wanting a Daughter

  1. Ah beautiful Elfa! I love that picture of you three! I really wanted a daughter too but sadly it was not to be. I think it’s almost the opposite for me though – I have such a great bond with my own mum that I wanted to re-create that with a daughter of my own. I know from experience that it is possible to have a really close bond – friendship even – as adults with your mum and I’m not sure I see that in an adult mother-son relationship. Unless maybe one is gay and then we can go to Brighton and do some good Lanes shopping!! *sigh*…

  2. It’s lovely that as luck would have it you had a girl first. I don’t ever remember having any particular feelings on the whole boy or girl topic at the time, though in my experience my boys have always been calmer babies and more boisterous toddler whilst the the girls the other way round!

  3. A lovely post.
    I can’t remember having a preference particularly I was glad to have my take home baby finally.
    I was however in complete shock to have a boy 2 years later as I was convinced I couldn’t carry boys.

  4. I feel blessed that I have a son and a daughter – I love how different, but in a way how similar they are. I’m close to my mother so it’s nice to be able to have that with my own children.

  5. Such a lovely post. Know what you mean about the healing effect. My mum and I are close now, but when I was little we weren’t. And she did many things that I’ve had to forgive. For a long time I felt I could never have a child for fear of repeating the same mistakes. But having H has healed that for me. Truly beautiful post xxx

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