Have any of you ladies ever dated a Mummy’s boy (that’s Mama’s boy for my American peeps)? Maybe you even married one? Well, I dated one for almost a year and it was one of the worst relationships I have ever been in. Part of it was that he was an arse, but another part was that he was a mummy’s boy. He was 25 and still living with his mother. Nowadays, due to the high cost of housing, this is more common. But it wasn’t so cool back then. I can’t express how I loathed my morning walks of shame.
And now I have a son of my own. A sweet, affectionate, clingy mummy’s boy. I know I must do whatever I can to help him grow up into his own man. I will be doing him a disservice if he cannot love another woman as much as he loves me. Obviously if he is gay, then this is a moot point as I will remain his number one gal. *smiles longingly* So I thought I would write a guide to not raising a mummy’s boy. I have no expertise, just a lot of natural know-it-all ways.
How Not To Raise a Momma’s Boy (or The Dos and Don’ts of Raising a Good Boyfriend)
1. Don’t continually tell your son that no woman will ever love him as much as you do.
2. Don’t keep wiping your son’s ass/nose even though he is 10 years old.
3. Do teach your son how to cook and how to wash his own clothes. There is nothing like the gift of self-dependency. On a related not, teach him how to make a killer cocktail.
4. Don’t iron your son’s underpants. This is something no boy/man should ever get accustomed to.
5. Do not let your son think it is okay to wear white socks with dress shoes. This will never be in fashion. Never, I say.
6. Do teach your son the importance of foot rubs. If your son insists on watching sports, teach him that each match/game watched equates to one foot rub to be given. Obviously your son will need to practice on you so that he perfects his foot massage techniques. You are welcome future girlfriends/boyfriends!
7. Do let your son know that it is okay to cry or show emotion in front of others. It’s a new age people. Men no longer have to be strong and silent. BUT, it is not okay to cry if you see a spider.
8. Do teach your son to compliment others. Whether you are being wooed or have been together 20 years, a lady likes to hear that she looks pretty. Do teach your son how to compliment. Acceptable: ‘that’s a nice dress, you look beautiful’. Not Acceptable: ‘you’re pretty, for a bigger girl’.
9. Do teach your son that only babies should act like babies. Babytalk is not cool. Unless you are a baby. Hearing a teenage boy talk to his mother in babytalk (or vice versa) makes me physically ill.
10. Do teach your son that there is no one like his mother. No point looking for perfection. 😉 But if he looks real hard, he may find someone pretty darn nice.