Union of Motherhood, Draft One

Let me start off by saying how much I love being a Stay-At-Home-Mum. BUT, it can be tough. Aside from the lack of money and non-existent privacy, there are no sick days. It’s the kind of job one does for love rather than the benefits. Obviously. But does that mean that we should not try to improve the benefits? Hell, let’s unionise. I am the modern day (SAHM) Norma Rae


First Draft of the Constitution of the Union of Motherhood.
1. While Motherhood is a full-time job (whether you work in paid employment for any of the time), every Mother will have at least three hours during the hours of 11pm-6am to sleep.
2. Every Mother will have two private pee/poo breaks each day.
3. Once a week, all Mothers get to finish our breakfast and not share it with anyone.
4. Each day, between the hours of 7am-7pm, will contain 10 continuous minutes of peace. This means no fighting, shrieking, crying, rough-housing or pulling on Mummy’s clothing/legs/hair. There can be quiet talking at this time.
5. If the child can speak, then they are required once a week to proclaim their love and devotion to their Mother. If the child utters the words, ‘you are the best/smartest/kindest/prettiest Mother in the world’ then they are entitled to encroach on one of your private pee breaks.
6. If the child is between the ages of 8-18, they must bring their Mother tea in bed once a week. If they do not, the Mother is entitled to an additional daily private pee/poo break.
7. Once a week the child must profusely praise their Mother’s cooking.
8. Every time the child says ‘I hate you’ or ‘I wish you weren’t my Mother’, the Mother is entitled to an extra two private pee breaks.
9. Whenever the Mother is ill, she will be entitled to 12 hours of sickness care. Considering that Mothers spend thousands of Pounds/Dollars/Euro on baby equipment and clothing, all major baby shops should employ Sickness Representatives who go into homes and take care of children whilst the Mothers rest.
10. Every Mother’s Day/Mothering Sunday, children will make sure that their Mothers are adequately acknowledged. The acknowledgments will include, but are not limited to, cards, breakfast in bed and a foot massage.
In return for adhering to these guidelines, Mothers agree to give their children unconditional love and devotion. Children who are in violation of the Union rules, will be subject to Striking. Mothers can strike up to two days per calendar year. At this time, no meals will be cooked, no laundry cleaned and put away, no bedtime songs sung and no books read. Ouchies will continue to be kissed better during medical emergencies.

This contract can be amended to include Fathers.
Please note that I have distributed this first draft to my two-year old and my six-year old. Their amendments will be noted tomorrow (here).

10 thoughts on “Union of Motherhood, Draft One

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  2. I WANT TO WEE ALONE!!! WHEN WILL THIS EVER HAPPEN!!!!!!!!! I am going to wee alone so much at BritMums. That may be due to the gin xxx

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